One Activity Day, Three perspectives: A Sibling Groups Adoption Journey
On the 6th of August 2025 SAR held an Activity Day at STAR were a wonderful sibling group of three met their Adoptive Family. This blog contains the perspective of the agency who supported the children throughout their journey, the worker of the adoptive family and the adoptive parents themselves.
What the Children’s Agency had to say- “We can’t separate these girls”
The decision to take an 11-year-old to the adoption activity day went back and forth and involved lots of conversations, lots of worry and lots of anxiety. It felt like we were asking for the impossible – a sibling group of 3, a wide age range and a child with additional needs. What if they felt rejected, what if no one interacted with them? What would it feel like to be a child who was vocal about needing a family if no one responded? We have taken lots of children to activity days, but this felt different. This little girl knew we were looking, had a good understanding of what she wanted from a family and was heading towards a transition to secondary school. She had already experienced so much rejection…. was it worth the risk?
The day arrived and off to Fife they headed; the social worker, foster carer and three girls all off for a picnic! “We can’t separate these girls” was the stark warning from their fostering Social Worker. “We can’t separate these girls” was the stark warning from the Social Worker. Over a year of searching. By 6pm there was a phone call, the girl’s social worker. “a few couples spent time with them but one seemed really interested. The couple aren’t’ approved yet but they said they might speak to their social worker about changing their approval to expand the age range and number of children”, the worker talked about how lovely the interactions had been and how hopeful she was that they would come back to us. Three little girls, suspended in time, their lives moving forward but not knowing where, five years in foster care, five years of looking after each other, supporting each other, caring for each other, was this the opportunity? We had been there before, notes of interest that didn’t progress, discussions that got no response; but none of them had met them, none of them had played with them and heard their voices in the real world. Then there is was, 24 hours later, 8pm at night an email notification, you have a message on LinkMaker “can we discuss the girls” … and we all held our breath.
This morning, seven months later I started my morning with an email…” the girls had a quiet first day at home, but all went well with the move”.
Over the past 7 months there have been tears, loss, confusion, delay but also happiness, hope and love. In a climate where there are fewer adoptive families and more children with complex needs, financial pressure on families and pressure on Social Workers to “get the job done” it can feel impossible to get it right for children. The team around our girls were consistently clear that despite the wide age range, the girls needed to be together. There have been moments where that determination felt challenging and the goal out of reach. There have however also been adopters at the centre of it with a commitment to do exactly what we needed and to take on board all the challenges. Over the transition we have seen the importance of the sibling relationship, the girls have leaned on each other, sought confidence and strength from each other and reassured each other. Our girls are moving into the future together. It’s just one step on their journey but we couldn’t be more delighted that it’s a step they will take together, as a sibling group with a future together. In the words of T, “two years it took to find a family, two years – it’s far too long!” but one day we hope she will know that we all held our breath and hoped that this time it was right.
What the Families’ Agency had to say: “Somewhere buried among the artwork and toys and games and children were two very happy parents.”
I’ve been working with a couple who had a whole range of strengths, not least their genuine interest in maintaining connections for children. This is something St Margaret’s are keen to promote as part of our commitment to The Promise. They were still to attend approval panel, and we were close to finalising their assessment when we had the opportunity to attend the Adoption Activity Day. They were prepared for meeting children, and there were clear guidelines about the day from Kate and Megan. The couple understood that they might meet their children on the day or that it may be another day before they learned about their children. So they attended with an open mind.
I thought the day was fantastic. The set up on the day allowed adults and children to have space to interact and get to know each other. You can pick up so much information from seeing and engaging with children that is more difficult to capture from an assessment or through discussions. How do you measure sass? How can you predict how a child will make you feel? Can you understand siblings’ connections without seeing them together? How do you describe a child’s energy?
We originally attended the event looking for one or two siblings, and at lunch time I asked the couple if they had seen any children that they were especially drawn to. “We have” came the reply, along with a nod over my shoulder. When I looked around, I was amazed to see a group of three siblings of very different ages. Not the children I’d have been looking for when searching after approval panel. One of the day’s rules was that all the prospective adopters must spend time with all the children. So, after lunch the couple made sure to spend time with the children together and apart. The children and adults played together, chatted with each other and watched each other. The couple were able to speak with their Foster Carer and Social Worker. They were able to share information with each other in real time.
The next day, I visited the couple and, to help explore the possibility more fully, I played Devil’s advocate. We were able to explore thoughts, feelings, strengths, potential vulnerabilities, possibilities, realistic options and required adjustments. We found that having met the children, we were much more able to have better informed discussions than we would have been from a brief report.
To skip a few stages, the children recently moved to their new family. The oldest child describes her dad as being very funny, and her mum as being kind and loving. I visited the children at home recently and I recognised the same energy, sense of fun and sibling love for each other that we had seen at the Activity Day. Somewhere buried among the artwork and toys and games and children were two very happy parents.
What the Family had to say: “Never would we have thought our children would be there.”
We had expected the Adoption Activity Day to be interesting and informative but beyond that we had no hopes or expectations. We were only in the very early stages of the matching process, and we were only intending to seek approval for one or two children. Little did we think that our attendance at this Adoption Activity Day would mark an incredible and pivotal moment in our adoption journey. Never would we have thought our children would be there. But they were. It was during this event that we met a sibling group of three with whom we felt such a special connection and who were so endearing to us that we found the courage to request that the number of children on our approval application be changed to three children.
This was a huge and daunting adjustment, but we never doubted our decision because the time spent at the Activity Day playing and talking with the children (and the in-depth discussion with the foster carer) provided us with the reassurance that we needed. If we had only seen this sibling group on LinkMaker we would never have had the confidence to believe that this was our forever family.
There is absolutely no substitute for spending time with the children in the flesh. No number of photos, video clips or skillfully written descriptions can replace that.
